I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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