this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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