had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
