My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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