no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
me + whiskey = a bad person
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
wow bdsm is so cute
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
