I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
