His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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