oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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