i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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