I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
