WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
