Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
