I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
