just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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