yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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