and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
