you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
