me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
