Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
