highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
