OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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