I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
