we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
