I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
