this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
