hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
