Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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