My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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