When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
