he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
