you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
