The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
