i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like abortions should bother me more
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
