I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
