We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
