Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
