I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
