i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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