I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
