imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
