I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
