Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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