How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
