i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
