so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
