Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
