How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
