Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
