So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
