Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
