you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
