Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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