somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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