I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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