i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
