Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
