my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
someone owes me an orgasm
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
